How Do YOU Handle Being Scared Shitless?
“Always do what you are afraid to do.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today is a big day for my blogging buddy Sean Ogle at Location180.com. In his newest post, “My Last Day,” he talks about quitting his job and striking out on his own. But in this post, Sean talks about something that I think we all struggle with, especially when we actually make the leap to “blaze our own paths.”
We are filled with excitement and motivation and we revel in the freedom of exploring the opportunities that come our way. But we are also filled with trepidation, fear, and anxiety and we sometimes second-guess our decision to make the leap.
I am asking for your help. I want to create a discussion in the comment section below with answers to the question, “how do YOU handle being scared shitless?”
We ALL have our fears and worries, especially when we make the leap to take control of our own path. My goal here is to generate a discussion that will help those of us who are just getting started or who are on the brink of making that jump.
I would love to hear from everyone but especially from those who have already made that leap of faith. How were YOU able to push through that fear?
Thanks, everyone, and I can’t wait for the responses!
Paul
Oops, didn’t realize the video cut off the top of my head.
BTW, I forgot to include what has helped me when that feeling takes hold. ACTION. When I stop to dwell on the stress and anxiety of the decision, that’s when it is the worst. But, if I keep my head down and move forward with what I am attempting to do, that’s when I seem to (1) get the most done and (2) alleviate that feeling in the pit of my stomach. What about you?
Paul Norwine´s last blog ..How Do YOU Handle Being Scared Shitless?
You know, I actually *like* that feeling a little bit – it gets me excited to wake up and work on something that’s a big unknown to me.
I know what you mean though about being scared and how that can hold us back – I just try to remind myself that even if it’s a tough situation, I *chose* to be here, and can always go back to taking the “easy way out” – and that’s usually enough to motivate me to push forward
Even if I’m still scared
Sid Savara´s last blog ..How To Say No With The Empathy Sandwich
I handle being scared shitless by….
not being scared shitless.
Let me explain…
I use the Aussie catchphrase ‘No Worries’ all the time. Literally, in my head 24/7, I constantly say no worries. For the last 2 years, there hasn’t been 1 time I have been scared shitless. I am no he-man or trying to be cocky, I just don’t live that way. My life is too short to be scared so I just live life up. Worst Case Scenario. I die. Yea, that would suck, but hey I lived life up so what the hell. I know too many people that don’t allow themselves to be scared shitless that they don’t experience life.
(I swear I am not trying to be cocky….I may be dumb, but not cocky)
I think what Sean Ogle did (offer work-at-home option) and what happened (was let go) was the exact way to handle his situation. He was able to test the people he worked for and see if he could do his job and still love life. I wouldn’t want to work for a company that took suggestions than fired me because of it. I am glad Sean has this freedom now. Now it is all about not being too scared shitless, working harder than ever, enjoying life, achieving a ton, doing what he loves. That’s what a good life is.
I will confess that I do get scared shitless with those amusement park rides that free fall. I handle it by not going on them. Yes I am a chicken.
David Damron
LifeExcursion
Dave – LifeExcursion´s last blog ..Making a Difference
I just set my jaw and willed myself into action. Calling my boss to resign (she lived in another state) was like pushing myself into the point of a blade. There was my instinct telling me not to do it, screaming at me, “Hey what are you thinking?” and I had to just push through it.
Two seconds later after hanging up, I fell into giggles. It was done!
I’ve never looked back.
There’s a reason why more people don’t do it and it’s not about being smart or well prepared or having an adventure streak. It’s that first step. If you can do it, you’re golden. Most can’t.
Christine Gilbert´s last blog ..3,043 Miles in 28 Photos
Over the past few years I’ve come to accept that a lot if not most of my thinking and decision making is based on emotions, I then rationalise the decision making process after the fact. It’s just the way we’ve evolved as humans.
I do a lot of mindfulness exercises and meditation and this helps to separate the emotional side of my thinking from the rational side. I can often feel distinct emotions arise in me without letting it effect my rational thought processes. This is not a 100% split, I don’t know if that’s even possible, maybe for Zen monks.
The other approach is to use these emotions to put yourself in the right frame of mind / focus / physical and mental state to get you where you need to go. A rational and sceptical approach is helpful up to a point, but after that you need to give in to being really positive in order to be able to commit your whole mind and body to what you want to achieve.
So I get scared, but that’s just a temporary emotion and at the end of the day fear doesn’t serve me. Keep forging ahead, feeling good and with optimism will serve me much better.
Maybe the key is to trust that your mind and body have evolved to be able to get you where you want to go.
Well, I’m not scared right now. I’ve got a solid job and really no worries. I’m really hoping to be scared shitless in the future though! That would mean I’m doing something worthwhile. I’m sure the day that I quit my job will be really scary, and really fun at the same time. Enjoying these responses so far.
Nate´s last blog ..how long would it really take?
Wow, guys – these responses are great.
Sid – “I *chose* to be here, and can always go back to taking the “easy way out” – and that’s usually enough to motivate me to push forward.”
This is a great distinction and one that I know will help anyone who is second-guessing themselves about the decision to take the leap (whatever that leap may be). I know I have a tendency to build things up in my mind without stopping to think that (1) this is the freedom that I craved and (2) the worst that could happen isn’t really all that bad (and “taking the easy way out” is just a temporary setback anyway).
Dave – “My life is too short to be scared so I just live life up.” Amen, brotha – for me, personally, I think that uncomfortable feeling in the gut is an important sign that I am doing something that is stretching me and forcing me to grow. So I don’t think the feeling is always bad. I do, however, think it’s easy to let that feeling build up to a point that it prevents us from moving forward if it goes unchecked. So the “no worries, life is life” mentality is a great way to fortify the thought process and ensure that the feeling isn’t allowed to spin out of control.
Christine – I know what you mean about the difference in feelings before and after the threshold of action. Two completely different sets of emotions involved. A lot of times I think we build up an event in our mind making it much worse in our heads than the actual reality. So, if you can just push through and get to the other side, it makes all the difference
Neil – “So I get scared, but that’s just a temporary emotion and at the end of the day fear doesn’t serve me. Keep forging ahead, feeling good and with optimism will serve me much better.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used this same thought process to *snap out of it.* I realize that fear or anxiety is a built-in response that is trying to help but just gets in the way. So, sometimes it’s as simple as realizing the fear / anxiety isn’t helping and it would be MUCH better to act from a positive mindset than a negative one.
Nate – “I’m really hoping to be scared shitless in the future though! That would mean I’m doing something worthwhile.” -Hell yeah, Nate – I couldn’t agree more. That fear means we are doing something that is stretching us. We can’t grow without stretching ourselves. And if we aren’t growing, we’re just dying…
Thanks for all the thoughtful responses, everybody. Exactly what I had in mind….
Very good question Paul.
I am not sure if I am “scared shitless” but I am definitely apprehensive about leaving my secure life in Japan for something uncertain. I am going to be 40 next month. I don’t have many productive working years ahead of me to make up for big mistakes.
How do I deal with being scared shitless?
I tell myself constantly that if I don’t live life to the fullest now, then when?
I still have a chance to reinvent myself, but if I wait until 50 or 60 those opportunities start to diminish.
I also remind myself of all the friends and family I have known who have died early. I could be dead next year, next week or tomorrow. That means I need to focus on what is most important today.
Everyday should be a great day!
I also give myself a reality check. The worst case scenario for me now is that I will have to get a job or start another business in 5 to 10 years time. Big deal. My grandparents worked 60 plus hour weeks for all their lives just to survive. My worst case scenario is better than their best case.
Life is good and the time to live is now!
John Bardos – JetSetCitizen´s last blog ..Interview with Internet Marketing Veteran, Samantha Milner
John, my sentiments exactly! I turned 40 two years ago and told myself that I am not waiting until I turn 50 or 60 to do things the traditional way- wait to travel and see the world when one retires. the close we get to the location independent lifestyle, the more excited I get. But the process of getting there is tedious and painful because it’s not just me now, I have two others to worry about.
Really enjoy reading your blog and we’ll be in Japan soon! We plan to slow travel Asia once we move to Thailand in 2010.
GotPassport´s last blog ..Our Beloved New Orleans Series Part 2 – Rebuilding
For me, the answer is pretty easy. I handle being scared by remembering how to “live happiness.” What does that mean, you ask. For me happiness means being able to lay my head on the pillow every night and say to myself, “If I die tonight, I will not have a single regret.”
That’s it. Ultimately fear = inaction. Inaction = regret. I can not afford to live with regret. Life is too short, I am too strong! You know. Adopting that mentality has really transformed my life recently.
-Dena
Evolution
Dena´s last blog ..Overcoming Addiction Through Spiritual Growth
Paul, thanks for the mention! I am glad that at the very least I inspired someone’s blog post with my last day haha. So the question “How do you handle being scared shitless?” is an interesting one. In a lot of ways, I look at my life and think if I am not scared or uncomfortable, then I am not doing something right. You should constantly be pushing the boundaries of yourself to achieve those larger goals, and for much of the time, that is going to be terrifying.
I will use my personal situation. I am now jobless. So what do I do? I can be scared, feel sorry for myself, curl up in a ball and never leave the house, OR I can accept the challenge and start living life on my terms. I am going for the latter. While I still need to work out all the details, I have ideas of what I want to do over the next few months. One of the best ways to overcome the fear is to have a plan. By scheduling my days, and planning out my weeks, I always feel as though there is a direction. I know what I am doing each day, and that forces me to stay on task. As soon as I shy away from that, that is when things get really scary…
But anyways I guess the point I am trying to make is that being scared isn’t a bad thing. It is necessary and if you go in to a situation with your eyes wide open, you will overcome the fear.
The comments from everyone else also contained some fantastic advice, so I second everything they said
Hey Paul,
I was just reading Sean’s post last night and I think many of us can relate to where he finds himself now.
I use fear as an indicator. Its my litmus test. Before I start something new, it had better scare the ever livin’ shit clean out of me. This tells me that I’m stretching/growing. I’m moving out of a status quo situation and into my uncharted territory.
But, of course there are moments of panic that occur periodically. And they are more panic than fear–they feel knee jerk. I know which of my friends are best at talking me off the ledge so I search them out. I do a gut check to see if there’s anything to the alarm bells of panic going off.
And I trust.
I trust that everything that I’m doing is for a reason and that all of my choices are exactly what they should be–either because there’s a lesson to learn or a path to follow.
I’m an artist and a writer–so I think fear/pain is an interesting ingredient to creation. Not a necessary ingredient but it definately flavors the sauce in a way it wouldn’t normally.
If that doesn’t work, I just have a big drink.
Take Care,
Jill
Jill MacGregor´s last blog ..Knowing When To Say When
Energizing post Paul. Thanks for the follow on Twitter as this is how I found this unique spot you got over here. What I usually do to handle that fear is actually write about it. There’s something about opening the most idiotic piece of software and putting the steps down on “stone” that actually helps me focus and continue growing. It’s always fun to dig through the documents folder and look at what I wrote a year before. See you again soon! –Paul
Paul L’Acosta´s last blog ..marketingfails: Reading @paulnorwine: How Do YOU Handle Being Scared Shitless? http://bneb3.th8.us For me, I write about it.
Be there. That’s my reaction.
When I was younger I had the luck (or bad luck, depends on your point of view) to be caught in a sort of war while I was doing my military service. I was 19 years old and I was in the middle of the Romanian Revolution, as a soldier. Very difficult position to be in during the Romanian Revolution. I haven’t slept for 5 nights and 6 days.
What I learned from being scared for my life: you can’t save yourself by running. You have to be there and actually take action so your life doesn’t end by accident.
Nice challenge here and I enjoyed the conversation
Dragos Roua´s last blog ..How To Escape The Internet Jungle In 5 Small Steps
Honestly, there has never been a time when I have been scared if the situation has been in my control (i.e moving out from home at 16, quitting a lucrative job in London to move to South East Asia, to starting up my first company where I lost $100k).
There’s 4 reasons why I don’t get scared:
1) I’m not afraid of making mistakes.
2) I believe in myself. I know I can do what I want if I put my mind to it.
3) For biz… the desire to build something from nothing. That’s powerful stuff.
4) To make my family/friends proud of me (I was a little shit when I was younger, so need to make up for it)
My 2 cents
I’ll be first to admit I was very scared and anxious. I am married and have a child so things are different I think than for someone single and no strings attached. Having a child changes many things.. Before Emma, we could pick up and go at a drop of a hat or not, and even up until she starts school. She’s in 1st grade now and we have to work our way around hers and my husband’s academic schedule for any Travels.
I gave a 30-day notice, then it turned into 60-day! I hated leaving the staff I was working with…. It took nearly 2 yrs to hire someone for my position after I left. I knew the chaos that my leaving would create for my staff. But I had to take care of me. I had to do what was best for me, my heath, my family. It was the hardest emotional decision I made in my career, but looking back now, ONE I do not regret for a minute. It’s like that saying, “feel the fear, and do it anyway” Ultimately, the alternative would have gotten me closer to my grave, much faster from the stress and the unhappiness towards the end of being in that job.
I was ready to sell Starbucks coffee if I had to- that’s how ready I was! But it doesn’t mean it was easy. You need to find a support network, I didn’t have that. Sean is very fortunate to have the circle he has now.
GotPassport´s last blog ..Our Beloved New Orleans Series Part 2 – Rebuilding
Hey Paul,
Wonderful video post… you are a natural in front of the camera, and great content. Fear is such a universal problem… everyone’s answers were so interesting.
I deal with being scared shitless by just continuing to take small actions. Just focusing on the next step, and being aware enough to realize that every situation is not as bad as I usually fear it is. There is such a relief to doing something that scares you…. that immediate peacefulness in realizing that it is never as bad as anticipated.
Karen
Karen´s last blog ..Transforming Your Life From the Inside Out
Hey Paul, nice idea for discussion.
Anyways let me get straight down to the point of this discussion:
The ways I handle for being scared shitless is
-1. (Awareness) Become more aware of my fear and the reasons behind it. If I understand my fear, i’ll understand what motivates it, and if I have enough awareness of it, i’ll know how to counter it.
-2. (Acceptance/non-resistance)The more I try to fight my fear, the more I become afraid, i’ll let the fear take over me after I realize why i’m scared shitless, then i’ll try to move on from it.
-2. (Focus) I found out that one of my reasons for my ever increasing fear is my pondering habit. I realized that the more I focus on my fear, the more momentum my fear has. I force myself to shift my focus through VISUALIZATIONS to cause my mind to pay attention to my desired outcome of my goals, rather than the fear of my failures and decisions.
-4. (Action/build momentum) Once I have that focus, I start acting on it. And when I do, I feel energy adding on and momentum taking over. My momentum of problem solving eventually takes over the momentum of my fear.
That’s about it for the stages of how I handle my fear
hope this adds more to your interesting discussion of being scared “shitless” haha.
Steven
I really appreciate everyone who has contributed to this discussion. This is something I know that I (and anybody else) can look back on when I get stuck in a rut. There is some great advice embedded in all these comments and I truly thank you all….
I tell everyone.
If I am attempting something big, such as recently quitting my job and moving to Bangkok, I tell everyone what I am planning as if it is already set in motion. This creates the motivation that gets me over any of the final hurdles as the risk of losing face usually ends up being greater then the risk of actually doing what I planned.
So in the spirit of the post I am also writing two first novels which will be ready by Christmas. If anyone wants a copy let me know…they will be ready
They have to be, lol.